For Saturn-day, but I lost count how many I've done

a.Destiny Arts Center. This is a wonderful program of dance and martial arts, with an emphasis on community building, peace and conflict resolution, that my family has been lucky enough to be a part of since Elcy was in first grade and Tilly was in pre-school. Yesterday, Tilly auditioned for the DAC Performance Company, and today we got the call that she was accepted into Company. I am so very grateful to Destiny and to Sarah Crowell, in particular, for her enduring enthusiasm.
b. Om. They put on a great show last night. I’ve been chillin’ and groovin’ to their CD all day today. There was a point during the show when I had my earplugs in and my eyes closed, and rather than listening to the music, I decided just to feel the vibrations. Which ones made my pant legs tickle my calves, which ones made my solar plexus feel like it was part of a marimba, which ones mad me feel like I was going to ovulate, right there.
c. I got to see Matt Pike last night–I haven’t really seen him since I stopped drinking, as he’s a bartender at Eli’s Mile High Club. I heart Matt. He’s a very nice guy. He looked great last night. He said he’s been working out and swimming, and he has a new girl and she seems very nice. He used to be in a band, Sleep, with the guys from Om. His curernt band, High on Fire, is going on tour with Dethklok this fall, and I won’t see him again for a while. It makes me a little sad for me, but happy for him. I’m grateful that I’ve gotten to be friends with him.
d. It’s Friday and I don’t have to clean anyone else’s house till Monday.
e. Alba, for her random text about Home Depot today. Damn, that was funny and wise at the same time!!!
f. Despite the regular ol’ nagging fears about money and what people think of me, I have to confess that I’ve been feeling pretty damned happy lately. That’s a good thing.
g. The tamboura.
h. Cordless power drill.
i. My reading glasses. I just put them on, and it’s hella easier to read the computer screen. Duh.
j. The Wiz at the Piedmont Theatre tonight.

He Says... Missed Opportunities?

I am a little stressed out right now.  Today I have to go to NYC for 3 days for a job.  And despite the fact that we have done everything we can with 6 consecutive days of “trying to conceive” and the fact that her ovulation predictor kit seemed to indicate that we are doing things at the right time, what if we are off by a day or two?  And I am not here!?!

I mean, there is really nothing I can do.  I suggested (jokingly), leaving a “specimen” for Kate (gross…I know).  So let’s say the Clomid worked but we do miss this opportunity because I am traveling.  That would suck!  And it just makes me nervous because I have a fairly irregular work schedule and usually have to travel for a couple days every few weeks.  And since we can’t really anticipate the best time for baby making yet, how do we deal with my schedule and the (more important) task at hand?  Unfortunately it is not practical to lose out on jobs that do require travel for the next few months, and Kate has her own work so she can’t come with me (usually).

That is my rant.  I am leaving this evening and we’ll “try” again before I go and keep our fingers crossed that things are timed perfectly.

I heart the Red Sox

Yesterday wasn’t a complete loss. DH came home from work with Red Sox tickets! We missed seeing them when they played in June (my boss took all the tickets), and in August (we were in NM for my mother-in-law’s funeral), so I was pretty excited that we got to see them.

DH’s parents were from Rhode Island and Massachusetts, and he grew up in Maine, so with all that New England blood he’s been a Red Sox fan since birth. I married into it . I’ve always been a fan of baseball, since I loved playing softball in school, but never really had a favorite major league team. Louisiana didn’t exactly have a baseball team, and for some reason Louisianians don’t like cheering for Texas sport teams…

In 2002, after Hubby came back from Afghanistan, he drove from where he was stationed in Georgia to Louisiana. He spent a week with me and my family, then we drove out to New Mexico to his parent’s house. We weren’t married at this point, and I hadn’t met his parents yet. We spent two weeks with them, and watched a Red Sox game every night. My MIL had just restarted chemo at that point after a 6 year remission, so she was too tired to do much, but she enjoyed explaining the finer points of baseball to me and introducing me to all of the players. I had a blast.

Since our company has season tickets to the Orioles games, we’ve managed to see the Red Sox at least once or twice a season for the last 3 years. DH even saw Manny hit his 500th home run at Camden yards. Every time we saw them play, DH would sneak out during the seventh inning stretch to call his mom and tell her where we were. It was strange last night, as we watched the Red Sox take a 6 run lead in the eighth, not to have anyone to text the news to.

I always notice how many newborns there are at the baseball games. I’m talking brand-spanking-new, like probably shouldn’t be out at 10 pm in chilly 60 degree windy weather kind of newborns. DH was actually the one that pointed it out to me last night – “Isn’t that baby a bit young to be in a huge crowd of people late at night?” There were several people with little tiny babies in onesies – no socks, no hat. I was chilly in my jeans and sweatshirt, so I felt a little bit of anger at the parents. And had the typical infertile thought that I would be a much better parent. I wouldn’t bring my little one out with thousands of other people when their immune system isn’t fully developed yet. I would make sure they were warm, since infants don’t have the ability to regulate their own body temperature. See, I may be infertile, but I know something about babies.

Sigh.

It always comes back to infertility. My life consists now of things to take my mind off of work and infertility.

Today is cd14 and I had a huge dip in temp today. I’ve had some fertile mucus the last two days, so I think this might be a dip before ovulation. I had some ovary pain yesterday and the day before, so it might be today. We’ll see.

Thanks for all of your comments over the last couple days. After such a horrible week, reading your kind words means so much. Thanks for all the support and understanding!

An Ovulation Experiment

I read a very interesting article regarding ovulation and a women’s libido.  I learnt that during ovulation a woman’s sexual drive increases signifacantly.  Call me crazy, but I’ve never really paid the subject much mind. After all, we are animals – predators if you will – and we are first and foremost on this planet  to procreate. To find a mate and populate.  So, wouldn’t it make sense that the 12-24 hours during a woman’s cycle that she is the most fertile (ie when she is ovulating) that nature might turn up her sexual dial somewhat? Oh Mother Nature and your sneaky ways!

So what about those nights when we feel an overwhelming desire to wear the push-up bra and high heels? To darken our lips, wear our hair mane-like, tauntingly skimming our eyes.  When its somehow a little easier to purr and paw in the direction of an attractive male?  Or when our sexual desire gets the better of us and we fuck complete strangers in restaurant bathrooms or on planes and trains… oh, you know I’ve done this. But damn it, was I ovulating?

They say statistically a significant amount of one night stands end in pregnancy; and that married women are much more likely to cheat on their husbands when they are ovulating. Wow. Again, guilty on both accounts, and I only know this because I got a two for one deal, if you know what I mean. Ouch.

And as for how our ovulation effects the men around us I found the following: In work conducted by Martie Haselton, an associate professor of psychology at UCLA, women report that when they’re ovulating, their partners are more loving and attentive and, significantly, more jealous of other men. “The men are picking up on something in their partner’s behavior that tells them to do more mate-guarding,” Haselton says.

And…

A study published last October in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior showed that strippers who are ovulating average $70 in tips per hour; those who are menstruating make $35; those who are not ovulating or menstruating make $50.

So, let’s do an experiment. Here are a few guide lines.

1) If you are on the pill this will not work as contraceptives feed us a supply of hormones which trick the body into thinking it is pregnant – consequently we do not ovulate.

2) I am going to give you an estimated ovulation calculation. It will be more accurate if you have a regular 28 day cycle. (Or better still if you have one of those at home ovulation kits).

3) We are going to chart our cycle this month, and follow our sexual desires and activities before, during and after our ovulations.

WHAT IS AND HOW TO CALCULATE OVULATION:

Ovulation: The release of the ripe egg from the ovary. The egg is released when the cavity surrounding it (the follicle) breaks open in response to a hormonal signal. Ovulation occurs around fourteen or fifteen days from the first day of the woman’s last menstrual cycle. When ovulation occurs, the ovum moves into the fallopian tube and becomes available for fertilization. Ovulation typically lasts from 12 to 24 hours.

Vaginal discharge during ovulation resembles slippery egg-whites, ideal for the purposes of conception. It is during this time that the vaginal walls are generally well-lubricated, sexual intercourse is easiest, and the acidic discharge best assists the egg’s path from the ovaries to the fallopian tubes. Immediately after ovulation, the discharge changes in consistency, becoming less viscous and less frequent, with a cloudy or whitish color and snotty-looking appearance.

Mark your calendar with the first day of your last period.  Count 14 days from that day and mark it.  Now, lets sit back and watch what happens.

My last period was 7th September.  My ovulation will therefore be around September 2oth.  A Sunday, a fine day for some sexual fancies.  So this coming weekend holds a glimmer of hope for a fun story.  No doubt I’ll start to feel the increase in my purr abilities a few days before (say Friday)… hmmmm, the world is my oyster.

PLEASE PLAY ALONG, I’D LOVE TO HEAR SOME FEEDBACK… IT’LL BE FUN!

How Am I Different

Warning to the guys: A very girly, feminine post ahead. Okay, quite frankly, I talk about menstruation cycles and getting pregnant. That’s what I thought. Catch you on the next post.

I promised myself that once I got pregnant, I wouldn’t be one of those annoying women who told the world. How interesting because I’m currently TTC (trying to conceive) and I can’t seem to keep a lid on it to certain people. Now, I’m writing a public blog post about it. Hello, world!

I have all sorts of feelings about TTC. Talking to someone about it is kind of weird because when you say you’re actively TTC, it’s basically blurting out that you’re having sex. I mean, we all know how it’s done; it’s just weird to think about it. Maybe I’m a prude. Okay, no, I am. Regardless, I don’t think anyone wants to hear about my sex life so I try to keep a lid on that aspect for most people. But announcing a pregnancy means that, uh, yeah, you DID have sex! (Unless you’re the virgin Mary carrying Jesus.) But I digress.

Of all things though, I am not sure that I’m called/meant to be a mother. I’m an only child with limited babysitting experience (mostly with my husband, rarely alone), and for the longest, I was the youngest child on both sides of my close, extended family. I have an awful confession to make:

I don’t think newborns are cute.

In fact, I think they’re ugly. I mean, the cuteness aspect (for me) lies in how tiny and helpless they are but are they adorable to look at? Not necessarily. And they’re kind of boring. All they do is eat, sleep, cry, and poop. I know that’s a temporary stage but some mothers love the baby stage. I’m also deathly afraid to hold one. I specifically refrain from holding newborns because I’m afraid I’ll crush them. And hell no, I won’t be responsible for smushing the soft spot of some kid that’s not mine. I’ll stick my finger in their tiny hands but don’t ask me to hold him/her–I WON’T DO IT. Experienced moms say I’ll get over this fear with my own kid. I sure hope so. Although I have the funny feeling, I’ll let everyone else in the delivery room hold the kid before me. I’ll probably cry hysterically over holding a newborn baby than during labor.

I’m more of a toddler girl. That’s when they have personality. They smile, giggle, gurgle, make funny faces, say funny things, and do funny things. If I could pop out a 2-year old, I think I’d do that. We’d have fun together. (I hope.)

But if I want to have my own child, I have to get pregnant before I can worry about not holding my newborn. And the getting pregnant part is the problem. Not the activity itself, mind you. The praying, hoping, and waiting afterward.

I’m relatively new to this. There are women who have been doing this for months and years and have it down to an art. I don’t intend on making this an art. In fact, I don’t like this praying, hoping, waiting thing AT ALL.

When I wasn’t trying, I lived my life. I got my period, went ick (menstruating has never ceased to gross me out even after 16 years), got my Mittelschmerz to let me know I was ovulating, moaned and groaned in pain for a few hours or maybe a day in the middle of my cycle, and moved on only to repeat it all over again every 26-28 days. Never thought much of it. Some women complain about irregular cycles. I’m fortunate to have never had that problem since I started menstruating regularly at age 11. Always 26-28 days and rarely ever a day late.

Now that I’m TTC, I’m living my life in 26-28-day cycles. And I hate it.

I took a Facebook quiz a few weeks ago and although most of them are stupid, a question on this one had me stop and think for a moment: “What bothers you the most?” There were five different choices but the two that stuck out the most to me were “not knowing” and “not understanding.” At the time, I picked “not understanding” since it was around the time of my dad’s birthday and I struggle with not understanding why he died the week before I flew home from college. Now that I’m actively TTC, I realize “not knowing” is more bothersome to me.

Every little problem makes me wonder, “Is this a pregnancy symptom or is this normal?” The nausea. The frequent urination. The localized abdominal cramping. I’m convinced I’ve brought psychosomatic symptoms upon myself because I’m so paranoid. Two negative pregnancy tests don’t lie. Twenty-eight days can never go by fast enough. Fourteen days can never come soon enough. I wasn’t living a menstruation cycle before I was TTC; I was living a life.

I’m thinking of going back to not having kids. If it happens by accident, then great (although that’s unlikely) but all this waiting and worrying is taking away from a life that I want to be living. And spending an hour crying over not knowing whether I’m pregnant or not is just not worth it. God bless the women who can spend months doing this; I just can’t.

[Via http://thisjourneyismyown.wordpress.com]

The time is right

I often marvel at new technologies.  I remember being absolutely fascinated by the introduction of digital media in the form of Compact Discs and, in the early days of computing, I can actually remember using my portable cassette tape player to save computer data.  This evolved into floppy discs, named after the wishy-washy 5 and  a quarter inch magnetic discs.  These then became their smaller 3 and a half inch cousins. These initially stored 512 kilobytes of data, but when made double sided, could then store a massive 1.44 megabytes! (about a quarter of the size of a chart MP3 track).  How things have moved on since!  After only 15 or 16 years, I now carry around my little ‘dongle’, no bigger than my front door key, on which I could store the equivalent of five and a half thousand of those  floppy disks.  Amazing eh!

Where’s this all leading, I hear you ask!  Well, staying on the topic of technology, we have just become aware of a piece of technology that will be very close to many of our readers’ hearts, especially those who have been trying to have a baby for a long time.  Mums and Dads who have been trying for a family have had to try traditional temperature measurements to best estimate their time of ovulation and to therefore increase their chances of becoming pregnant.

All very hit and miss I would say.  The new gizmo uses data sensing and storage techniques to record and predict the woman’s temperature for much longer periods in order to more accurately record temperature trends and therefore get a much more accurate prediction of her fertile time.  Have a look at this:

Rough indications of fertile days can be found by using tools such as our own Ovulation Calendar, but if you want the Real McCoy, then the new DuoFertility system will blow your mind!  This is something that doesn’t impose on or interfere with a waoman’s normal routine, yey gives her as accurate a picture of her own fertility patterns as she could ever hope to get.  Amazing!

They’re not cheap, but knowing how much some parents are willing to spend in their quest to have a child, I predict that this little device will revolutionise family planning.

If you’re a couple who have been trying for a baby for a while, this could be exactly what you’re looking for.  Why not have a look at the DuoFertility site for yourself and see what you think?

N.

[Via http://thebabywebsite.wordpress.com]

How To Conceive A Baby Boy

This is one very popular topic and one that I have studied for many years. Yes, I have personally tried it and as I write this article, I can’t help but smile proudly as  I glance over my laptop and see my son, jumping up and down and twirling around doing his aeroplane dance.  As with all medical treatment or advice, there are no guarantees but these tips I am about to explain do have some some scientific basis. I will try to explain the theory behind it and hopefully by the time you finish reading  this article you will have a bright, hopeful smile , one which I’ve seen many times on the faces of my patients as they walk out of my consultation room. Whether it works or not, it is a different matter. At the very least, they go home with a smile on their face and a sense of hope in their hearts. And it’s moments like this that I cherish and treasure the most as a general practitioner.

What determines the sex of the baby is the sperm that succeeds in fertilizing the egg/ovum. The egg contains an X chromosome from the mother and the sperm may contain either an X chromosome or a Y chromosome from the father. If an X sperm reaches the egg first and fertilizes it, then we will get a girl. If a Y sperm wins the race instead and reaches the egg first and fertilizes it, then we get a boy. In order to conceive a boy, we have to make sure that we fix the race so that the Y sperm will have a higher chance of winning.

As compared to the X sperm, the Y sperm is smaller, lighter and swims a lot faster, however it doesn’t last as long especially in acidic and harsh conditions. Meanwhile the X sperm is not only larger and heavier, it swims a lot slower but it can last longer especially in an acidic environment.

Because the Y sperm swims really fast, we can use this to our advantage. We should time the intercourse on the day of ovulation and refrain from having it 2-4 days prior to ovulation. If intercourse is done on the day of ovulation, then when the sperm is finally released into the vagina, the Y sperm will swim faster and will be the first to reach the egg that’s already ready and waiting to be fertilized. Instead, if we were to have intercourse 2-4 days before ovulation, then the X sperm which moves really slow will reach the egg, whereas the Y sperm would have died off much earlier.

The depth of penetration is another factor that we need to consider. The deeper the penetration, the nearer the sperm is deposited to the cervical opening, the shorter the distance, the higher the chances of the Y sperm winning the race. A shallow penetration will however favour the slow swimming, yet resilient X sperm.

The Y sperm doesn’t last long in an acidic environment and thrives in a more alkaline environment. One way to increase alkalinity is by vaginal douching. Douching with an alkaline fluid such as a mixture of water and bicarbonate of soda 30 minutes before intercourse will therefore increase our chances of conceiving a boy.

Consuming a more alkaline diet is also recommended, this includes vegetables such as alfalfa, spirulina, brocolli, spinach, cabbage, celery, cucumber, cauliflower, eggplant, garlic, onion, salad, mushroom, sweet potato, pumpkin and tomato. It also includes fruits such as apple, pear, banana, dates, raisins, dried fig, watermelon, honeydew, fresh coconut, strawberry, almond, chestnut and citrus fruits. Curry powder, cinnamon, ginger, sea salt, herbs, mineral water, fruit and vegetable juice are also alkaline. Even though the citrus fruits may taste sour but they have an alkalinizing effect on the body.

Acidic foods should be consumed less, this includes oat, corn, rice, spaghetti, macaroni, olive, plum, prune, beans such as soy, lentils, red beans, dairy products such as butter, cheese, ice-cream, peanut butter, cashew nut, walnut, red meat, sardines, coffee and carbonated drinks like coca-cola. You don’t have to consume food from just the alkaline group, just make sure that you consume more alkaline food than you do the acidic ones. On a final note, I wish you all the best, good luck and have lots of fun trying.

[Via http://drroslin.wordpress.com]